confession 4: WHY?

Why do I keep doing this to myself?
I am still in love with a man who could care less about my feelings and how deep they are.
Why do I still put myself through hopes that are just useless?
For a little bit, I thought he was feeling the same way.
Why do I still cave to his idiotic boyish charm?
Since the beginning, I've been supportive with everything he comes up with.
Why do I even try when I know I won't ever succeed?
He will never understand because he refuses to.
He will never love me the way I love him.
It will never happen.

So just stop trying.

confession 3: A SECOND CHANCE

"Roll the dice for another chance"

Why do we give second chances? Why do let them take another chance card in the deck? The thought of second chances always comes and goes depending on a person. But due to the levels of severity of problems caused to have the need for “second chances”, is it really worth giving them out? No one understands why people hurt so much yet give second chances to people who seem not to deserve it if they will constantly keep doing it. Wouldn’t it be more of stupidity at this point?! Sometimes, I think that second chances are not worth giving if it’s not compensated with actual proof.

confession 2: I'M CLINGY

I’m clingy. I can’t help it. Whenever I’m with him it’s hard to contain myself. I just want to keep him close but not so much to where it would be uncomfortable. But I also don’t want to just shut myself out of how I really feel about him even if he doesn’t feel the same way. It’s not who I am. I have to express it. Unfortunately, as much as I hate clinginess, I couldn’t help but be that way with him, especially whenever around other people (girls most likely). Maybe I’m just being so naïve. Maybe it’s being more possessive than love? No. I don’t stop him from talking to girls but I do get some type of subtle rage feeling within me whenever I do see him with other girls. Is that normal?

I figured out that there are two levels of clinginess: cute and obsessive. Cute would most likely be when it’s just little by little of clinginess to the opposite sex or other individual. It’s just cute acts and very little childlike tantrums that are just playful. Obsessive is more towards wanting him all for you and no one can have him. It branches out to even deeper levels that could be very dangerous to both parties. Pretty much you get the idea.

Sometimes I wonder which one I am. Sometimes I think I’m in the middle. I don’t always like it but when it does come out, don’t shun me away. Just accept me for me, because I don’t always do this to just anyone.

confession 1: I WISH

I Wish...

to be loved the way I love you.

to be accepted completely without the lingering

feelings of insecurity.

to be the one who changed your world.

to be a part of your world.

to be part of what makes you happy.

to be the one who helped you through everything.

to be the one you proudly call "mine."

to be the one who showed you that it's okay to accept love and return love back.

for you to realize how much it hurts to be disregarded.

for you not to be so scared to accept, give, and feel affections.

for you to realize how important you are.

for you to realize how much you truly mean to me.

for you not to miss your chances.

that it won't be too late.

that I will not give up no matter how much it hurts.

that I will stop being so naive.

that I'd realize reality and accept it.

that I'd learn to let go.

that you're not mine and will never be.

that I'd stop dreaming and wishing for what will never come true.

...that I never fell in love with you.

-kabochan